Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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