I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize