I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
