I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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