Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
