you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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