Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you traded sex for a burrito?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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