i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
