Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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