I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
