dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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