im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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