yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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