if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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