): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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