Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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