Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
