This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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