Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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