when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
