id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
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