I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
