Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
