he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just had sex bonerless
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
