I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
