There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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