love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
