Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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