i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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