When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Randomize