id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
