do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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