That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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