OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
