OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
