Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
