My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
