Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
