Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
