if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Come see our sink grown plant.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
