wanna go halves on a baby?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
