Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
