my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
