I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
