how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
