it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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