people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
