He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
