Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize