I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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