my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
