I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My dad is sitting where you rode me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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