forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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