This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
