Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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