mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
