woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize