before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
