Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
