i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
third nipple confirmed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize