I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
