my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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