I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
