Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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