I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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