She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I need a beard to bite.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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