I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
