I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
