You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
