Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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