Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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