He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i think my cat just said my name.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
