I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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