i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
