so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
