I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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