phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
my poor anus
I'm too high and old for this...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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