Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
