this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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