8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
