Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
