You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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