Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
