We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
