i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
