she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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