Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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