you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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