The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
